A dozen women have been impregnated with wisdom, power, and glory simply because of Maw Week. A hundred films were made, all of which grossed $3oo million dollars in one day when they hit theaters on Friday. The road to the history books has been paved, now 'tis simply time to drive.

Walter Doom
-AtR PR

Daniel Greenberg, professional blogger at AtR, was killed while blogging about the murder of Sonny Dareman. Mr. Dareman was the beloved assistant to Mr. Dyke and was killed by two simultaneous strikes of lightning. We are grateful for his almost painless murder for he would have ultimately been killed just days later by a much greater tragedy that has unmercifully prowled through the front doors of the AtR studios. Said prowling was done by 4 dozen lions. Last week 48 lions entered the studios here at AtR making it past security checkpoints because they were believed to be with Michael Bay's Transformers 3 in which all the characters are lions that turn into robots that then form together to make larger lion-robots. These were no robot lions. They were the real fucking deal; straight up lion. Blood then became the equivalent to water if AtR were an ocean. A crimson red is stained into all our memories of that day... 07-02-08... we will not forget the fallen. At this point all but six of the lions have been 'tranquilized and released into the wild.'* Stay ever vigilant Americans... against lions and their thirst for blood. Our new permanent slogan is...

"Fuck lions."

-Frank Bower
CEO of Across the Road

*F.E.M.A. members cannot legally read this...
"tranquilized and released into the wild" translates to "messed the fuck up"

Our slogan at AtR is 'the easiest way to stay on top, is to oppress those beneath you'. AtR keeps a strangle hold on the state institutions called 'universities' and prevents any real film experience or knowledge to be acquired though these means because if AtR is to stay the number one production company of the world, the least logical thing would be to give these children the magical beans of wisdom. If someone could just go through college and "learn" about this career then we'd find ourselves in a forrest of bean stalks and we'd have one giant... well... giant problem. The only way anyone can be a part of the pro-American monolith of film production is to be picked up ever so gracefully by the film gods here at AtR or by being one of the two annually picked 'noobs' out of the, on average, 3.8 billion applicants. If you're interested in our internship program please contact me at russell@atr.awesome.

-Russell Dyke
Head of the Employment Department